Let me let you in on a secret. Being attractive has less to do with how you actually look and more to do with how you act. That ‘it’ factor, that special something that leaves us breathlessly attracted to someone is…sensuality. The ability to be sensual is within each of us. It is a higher order art form that is practiced and crafted to perfection over a period of years. Unfortunately, in modern times the art of sensuality has largely been lost and replaced by its vulgar distant cousin twice removed- sexuality. The words sensuality and sexuality may appear to be similar but in actuality, they cannot be any more different. In an attempt to describe this lost art form, we must in fact argue semantics and there is no way around it. To understand the essence of sensuality, we need to understand sexuality and via comparison and contrast, identify and develop this latent power inside us.
In sexuality, what you see is what you get. There is no mystery or intrigue. Once the other has seen and perhaps experienced what you have to offer, there is a law of diminishing gratification and he or she will look for something else to catch their attention. Both the journey and the destination are all about (meaningless) sex, as indicated in the word sexuality. A person with amped sexuality is a firecracker that fades as quickly as it goes off- a bonfire that is big and bright in one moment, and a pile of embers the next. What is probably off-putting about sexuality is that it is a very masculine type of trait. It is an aggressive, sometimes intimidating, impetuous, in-your-face display that stamps you with an expiration date in the eyes of so-called admirers. Ouch, but true.
On the other more refined hand, sensuality is mysterious and intriguing. It will keep those of both sexes fascinated and wondering what you do to make yourself so damn appealing. Sensual individuals take their time enjoying their movement, radiating a palpable energy. Being sensual is a soundless intimate conversation with another. It is a dance, a duet. And when a sensual being decides to be intimate with someone, it is incredibly pleasurable to both parties and can almost be considered to be a divine act. As opposed to sexuality, sensuality is a feminine trait. It is a warm, inviting, attractive energy that makes others feel privileged to be in your presence.
The issue with today’s single population who bemoan the fact that they are still single is that they are either too sexual or not sexual at all. They do not realize that there is a broader and more pleasing alternative. For decades now, the concept of true sensuality has been lost to the individual. This is probably because its dominant and blatant cousin was more useful in raking in the dollars. Hence the expression ‘sex sells’. Sexuality is connected to almost every product in the market, from video games to cars to cigarettes.
Even pop icons today are notorious for lewd, crass, unapologetic behavior in an attempt to be so-called sex symbols. You have Justin ‘I-can’t-take-my-hand-off-my-crotch’ Bieber, the S & M Queen Rihanna and the twerking, tongue-wagging Miley. Unfortunately there are some things that you cannot un-see. It is all a pathetic attempt to create shock value through explicit sexual suggestion. Their examples of overt sexuality are fostering a generation of both young, awkward nymphomaniacs and young, withdrawn asexuals. Perhaps that is a slight exaggeration but it might not be too far from the truth. In fairness, there are pop artists out there who demonstrate more polish and sophistication without waiving originality and edginess. Whether they possess a higher degree of maturity, self-honesty, or are simply willing to reveal more vulnerability, the net effect is greater sensuality. For example, I came across an up and coming pop duo from Los Angeles called Millennium who is actually a husband and wife team. Looking through their website, it is difficult to find any explicit sexuality in their songs, photos or music videos. And yet, the couple oozes swagness and sensuality and you will not find their music lacking either.
What makes sensuality special is that it focuses on the beauty of one’s inner self, whereas sexuality is focused almost solely on the outer self and is truly superficial. Now that we have extensively defined the two terms, which type of person would you rather be, a sexual or a sensual person? I thought so. While sex does in fact sell, it is cheap and inferior to priceless sensuality.