All these years of feeling trapped, tense, constricted and holding my tongue. Out of the blue, I was offered an opportunity to express myself freely, unabashed, whole-heartedly as the part of Sapphire in the music group Millennium. Sapphire is not some fictional character that I made up to attract attention. She is to me what the Phoenix is to Jean Gray. We are the same person, but she is the part of me that was suppressed from the world as I was growing up. I admit that I am frightened showing this part of me. But there is a faint voice telling me that I owe it to that four-year-old girl inside me to continue to pursue this path and see where it leads. That way, all those years of being afraid would not feel so wasted somehow. Regardless of how intimidating this new role is for me, there will be no other opportunity like this again. I refuse to add this to my list of regrets.
To me, being in Millennium is not about me singing. Unlike me, there are many amazing singers out there who can belt out notes like nobody’s business. I am just a soft soprano with a limited range, a C+ on vocal aptitude at best. It is about channeling the songs through me to allow me to express myself and my personality more openly and to awaken elements of me that I never knew existed. This is similar to how an actor uses the script to channel emotions that already exist within them, thereby bringing their character to life. The difference is, as I mentioned before, Sapphire and I are the same person. It comforts me to know that no one else can play the role of Sapphire. No one else has her personality. No one else has her voice. Whether she skips on stage or trips on stage, she will be real and authentic. She will be me.
My motives for being in Millennium are not purely selfish. Deep down, I want to connect with people. I have avoided making strong connections with people for most of my life. I wanted to prevent the possibility of disagreements, misunderstandings or hurt feelings but in the end, I missed out on many good friendships and many happy moments. I refused to take on the bitter and thereby missed out on the sweet. From now on, be it love or hate, for better or for worse, I am ready to be vulnerable, honest and open to the world.
I believe everyone’s story is special. Everyone’s voice, regardless of how small, should be heard. If you go through a very difficult or painful experience, every time you say yes to an opportunity, you are moving forward. You begin to live life fully, as you were meant to.